Friends 816 The One Where Joey Tells Rachel

Lisa Kudrow: (voiceover) Previously on Friends [Scene: Central Perk, Joey is talking to Ross] Joey: There’s this woman, that I like.  A lot.  Well, it’s complicated.  She’s with this other guy.  For a long time.  And I could never do that to the guy, y’know?  ’Ccause we’re really good friends. Ross: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh… is he a good guy? Joey: Yeah, he’s the best. Ross: Then talk to him! He might be fine with it. Joey: Oh, I don’t know. Ross: Joey, it’s worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her. Joey: I do! So much! I can’t stop thinking about her! I can’t sleep, I— Ross: Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself. (Walks towards the door until…) Joey: It’s Rachel. [Fade to Black, then fade in again with Ross stopped at the doorway.] Ross: (closes the door) Did you um—I’m sorry, did you just say it’s Rachel? Joey: Yes. Ross: Um, you…you like Rachel? Joey: Yes. I like Rachel. Ross: Rachel?! Joey: (startled) Yeah, okay but look, buy uh—Hey-hey, y’know, y’know who else I like? You! And it-it doesn’t get said enough. I like you Ross. Ross: But R-R-Rachel-Rachel?! Joey: Yeah, but it’s not a big deal. Ross: It’s not a big deal? Oh, I’m sorry I just…um, I…what about all the stuff you-you just said? I mean how about, I like—you-you can’t stop thinking about her. Like how you can’t sleep? Joey: I’m an actor, y’know? As-as a group, we tend to be over dramatic. Ross: Rachel who’s carrying my baby? Rachel? Joey: Look no, I-I know it’s bad, and I know it’s wrong. Okay? But-but it’s not like anything’s ever gonna happen. Y’know? These-these are just feelings, they’re gonna go away. Ross: Y’know what? I-I gotta go. (Starts to leave.) Joey: Oh come on Ross! Hey Ross-Ross don’t… Ross: (stops) I just—y’know—I-I just have one—Rachel?! (He exits and starts to walk away, passes a window, stops, and says "Rachel?!" again. Joey sighs and turns around to face Gunther.) Gunther: Rachel?!! Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Chandler are on the couch.] Rachel: Oh-oh! Okay, she’s kicking! Chandler: Oh! (Puts his hand on her belly.) She’s growing inside you. Rachel: Whoa!! Chandler: Oh! (Pulls his hand away.) Rachel: Wow that was a big one. Chandler: I think that’s the youngest girl ever to reject me. Phoebe: (entering) Oh hey you guys! Chandler: Oh hey! Rachel: Hi! Phoebe: Hey listen let me ask you, do you believe in soul mates? Rachel: Oh yes I do. I do. I believe that there is one perfect person out there for everyone. And do you know how you find him? You stop looking for him. That’s why I stopped looking for Russell Crowe. He’ll find me. Phoebe: Uh-huh, (To Chandler) and you? Chandler: No. I mean I believe that uh, certain people are more suited for each other and I believe in falling in love, but soul mates, I don’t think they exist. Phoebe: Okay, good. Chandler: Why? Phoebe: Well last night, I met Monica’s. Chandler: What? Phoebe: Yeah, I had a date with this guy, and I swear to God, he is her other half. Chandler: Come on, don’t be crazy. (To Rachel) You don’t think there’s someone out there better suited for Monica than me, do ya? (Rachel looks at him.) Rachel: (To Phoebe) Well, what’s he like?! Phoebe: Well he’s tall. Rachel: Uh-huh. Phoebe: He has brown hair. Rachel: Of course, of course. Chandler: A tall guy with hair similar to mine, oh unknowable universe! Phoebe: He works with food! Rachel: Oh sure. Older? Phoebe: Obviously, and he’s British. Rachel: Oh, I was just gonna ask! Phoebe: Yeah? And, he’s-he’s so centered and mature and confident. Rachel: Oh, it’s so sad they never had a chance to meet. Chandler: Luckily, the guy she settled for can’t hear what you’re talking about. Phoebe: Oh, I’m so sorry. Um, and maybe I’m wrong! I but—y’know I’m gonna go out with him again, I’ll find out more. Chandler: You believe that this guy is destined for someone else and you’re still gonna date him? Phoebe: Well, he may not be my soul mate, but a girl’s gotta eat. [Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is opening the door to Monica.] Monica: Hey. Ross: Hey. Monica: I just talked to Joey, I just—I want to see how you were. Ross: Oh y’know, I still—I can’t believe it. Joey and Rachel I mean it’s… It’s like you and me going out, only weirder! Monica: All right, I know you’re hurting, and-and I want to be supportive, but don’t say that again. Ross: Oh my God! What if, what if they get married? Then he’d be the stepfather of my child. Monica: Honey, I don’t think that’s something we need to worry about! First of all he’s-he’s never gonna tell her how he feels about her. And even if he did you have no idea how she’d react. Ross: Sure, because women never like Joey. Y’know, I think he’s a virgin. Monica: Joey…he’s not even thinking about going after Rachel! Ross: He’s not? Monica: No! All he’s thinking about is how you’re taking this! I mean, listen it’s totally freaking him out. He’s talking about moving to Vermont. Ross: Why? Monica: He says he wants to leave the country. (Pause) He thinks you hate him. Ross: Hate him? I… No, I don’t hate him. (Pause) It’s just it’s Rachel, y’know? Monica: Honey I can’t even imagine how hard this must be for you. But, I don’t want you to lose Joey over it. And right now he just needs to know that you’re still his friend. Ross: Okay. Okay, I’ll talk to him. Monica: All right. Now do it soon, he just asked me how to convert his dollars into Vermont money. [Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch as Phoebe enters with Monica’s soul mate.] Phoebe: Oh! Hi! Monica: Hi! Phoebe: Umm, Chandler, Monica, this is Don. Don: Oh, hello. (Shakes Chandler’s hand.) Hello. (Shakes Monica’s hand.) Phoebe: (mouths to Chandler) Soul mate. Chandler: (mouths to Phoebe) What? Phoebe: (cough talks) Soul mate. Monica: So, what have you guys been doing? Don: Well, we just had a terrible lunch today at Reattica. What is with all the sun-dried tomatoes at that place? Monica: I know! What is this, 1985?! Don: That’s exactly what I said. Phoebe, isn’t that strange. Monica: Not really. Chandler: What’s wrong with sun-dried tomatoes? (Everyone stares at him.) On a barbecue chicken pizza? (Still there’s staring.) No? Monica: So Don, what-what other restaurants do you like? Don: Well, Octavio, 27&7—Oh! And there’s this great little place, Alessandro’s. Monica: Oh my God! That’s my restaurant, I’m the chef there. Don: You’re kidding me! Monica: No! Don: Your food is fantastic! Wow, I really want to talk to you about your menu, once I get some coffees first. Um, anyone want any? Monica: Oh, I’d like a latte. Oh y’know what? If you’re gonna talk about me, I’m gonna go with you. (They go over to the counter and Chandler moves closer to Phoebe.) Chandler: What are you doing?! Phoebe: Nothing! I swear to God I didn’t know you guys would be here! And the good news is you didn’t believe in soul mates. So… Chandler: I believe in tall, handsome strangers who hit on my wife! Phoebe: They’re just talking, and y’know what? Just because I think they’re soul mates doesn’t mean anything’s gonna happen. Monica: (returning) Phoebe, good work. Phoebe: Yeah? Monica: Yeah! Oh he’s great, I love him. (Walks away and Chandler glares at Phoebe.) Phoebe: Don’t worry, we’ll find you someone else. [Scene: Joey’s Apartment, there’s a knock on the door and Joey answers it to Ross.] Joey: Hey. Ross: Hey. Joey: Look, I understand if you came by to hit me, I deserve it. Ross: No, I don’t want to hit you. Joey: Oh what then? Kick me? Ross: No. Joey: (getting worried) Bite me? Ross: No, no I don’t want to do anything to you. All right? I just want to tell you that I’m not mad at you and…and that I certainly do not hate you. I just, I just came here to say that. (Starts to leave.) Joey: Oh now—Hey Ross-Ross! Do you wanna-wanna come in for a beer or something? Ross: Uh…yeah sure. (Enters.) Joey: Do uh, do you got any beer? All-all I got is this melon stuff that Rachel left. I don’t… Ross: Okay. Joey: (pouring two glasses) Hey look Ross, you need to understand something okay? I uh…I am never gonna act on this Rachel thing, okay? I-I would never do anything to jeopardize my friendship with you. (He hands Ross a glass.) Ross: Thank you. (They clink glasses and take a drink. Ross likes it, Joey hates it. Then Ross sees Joey hating it, mimics he hates it as well.) Joey: Anyway, it uh…look it’ll just…take me a while to get over her, that’s all. I’m not even sure how to do that, I mean I’ve never been in love before so… Ross: What?! You’re in love with her. Joey: Yeah, I thought you knew that. Ross: Umm, no. Joey: Wow. Hey look, if it helps, I don’t want to feel this way. Honest. I just keep thinking, "Ah, I’ll get over this." Y’know? I just—It just keeps gettin’ harder. I don’t, I don’t know what to do. Y’know? What do I do? (Pause) Ross: I think you need to tell her how you feel. Joey: Okay that’s the green stuff talkin’. Ross: No, I’m serious. You-you need to find out where she is, because if she’s not where you are, then you can start to move past this. Joey: But what if uh—and I’m not saying she will be—But… Ross: If she is where you are then uh…then my feeling weird about it shouldn’t stand in the way. Joey: Are you sure? Ross: Yeah. Look if-if she’s gonna end up with somebody else, the truth is she couldn’t find a better guy. So… Joey: Hey thanks. Ross: So when do you think you’re gonna talk to her? Joey: Oh my God I have to tell her! I haven’t even thought about what I will say. What should I say? Ross: I’m understanding, but let’s not get carried away. Joey: I’m sorry, you’re right. What am I gonna say? (He takes another sip of the green stuff and recoils at the taste.) Oh! Ross: Yeah, tell me about it. (He stands up, turns his back to Joey, and enjoys another sip.) Commercial Break [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Chandler are watching Monica and Don talk.] Don: …so I’ve been slowly phasing out the wine importing and focusing more on the cheese side of things. Chandler: Cheese you say? That’s some pretty smelly work, huh Don? Don: Excuse me? Chandler: Cheese, it’s smelly. You must smell a lot of the time too. Don: Uh, not really. But when it comes to cheese, I’m one of the people who thinks the smellier the better. Monica: Me too! Yeah, Chandler can’t stand it. He won’t even allow me to have blue cheese in the house. Don: And you’re still married to him? (They both laugh, and Chandler tries to but fails.) Monica: You know what I’d love to do? I would like to go to France and eat nothing but bread and cheese—Not even bread, just cheese. No, I want the bread. Yeah. Ah, and pastries… (Breathlessly) And pate. Oh, I’m really not high, it’s just I used to be fat. Don: Well if you where ever enter the Loire valley let me know, I’ve got a great little villa you can stay at. Chandler: Is it made of cheese? Don: No. But God, a house made of cheese, wouldn’t that be incredible?! Monica: I’d move in tomorrow! Chandler: (disgusted) Oh come on! (To Phoebe) Are you listening to this? Phoebe: I’m so sorry. Chandler: What do we do? Phoebe: I don’t know, they both want to live in a house of cheese! I don’t know how you fight that. [Scene: Outside Ross and Rachel's, Joey walks up to knock on the door, but stops.] Joey: Okay. Okay, I can do this. I can tell her how I feel. Just uh, just stand up straight. (Does so.) Take a couple deep breaths. ……