介绍:
Monica and Chandler's apartment
Monica: Hey hon, could you help me get the plates down?
Chandler: Yeah. Hey, here's an idea, why don't we use our wedding china today?
Monica: No, I think we should save our china for something really special. Like if the Queen of England comes over.
Chandler: Honey, she keeps canceling on us. Take the hint.
Monica: What if something gets broken? They're so expensive!
Chandler: What is the point of having them if we never use them?
Monica: Ok, but if something gets broken, and then the Queen comes over...
Chandler: I will explain it to her.
Monica:(laughing) Oh yeah, like I'm going to let you talk to the Queen.
Joey: Wow, the parade is really good this year. Man those horses can crap!
TV announcer: Next up is a marching band from Muskogee, Oaklahoma.
Chandler: Muskogee! That's like four hours from Tulsa. Woo-hoo!
TV announcer: And heres the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives .
Joey: Oh my God!
Chandler: Aren't you one of the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives?
Joey: Yeah! I totally forgot I'm supposed to be there. I can't believe I forgot. I usually write stuff like this on my arm.
(Chandler grabs Joey's arm and pushes the sleeve up)
Joey: Oh! Stupid long sleeves.
Chandler: What are you going to do?
Joey: I guess I'm going to have to come up with a really good reason why I wasn't there. The producers are going to be so mad at me. They sat us all down yesterday and said "Everyone has to be there at 6:00 AM sharp, that means you Tribbiani." Like... like I was some kind of idiot.
Chandler: Well you proved them wrong.
Joey nods: Yeah.
Opening Credits
Ross and Rachel's Apartment
(Ross and Rachel are putting baby stuff together like they're going to be going somewhere.)
Rachel to Emma: Oh Emma. This is going to be your first Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for? Mommy's bobbies.
Ross: A lot of people are thankful for those.
(knock on door)
Woman at door: Hello? Rachel?
Rachel: Who is it?
Woman at door: It's your favorite sister.
Ross and Rachel while looking at each other surprised and shocked: Jill?
Woman at door in a sing song voice: Amy.
Rachel: Hide my rings.
(Ross goes into Rachel's room)
Rachel: Oh. (opens door preparing herself and then happily says) Amy! Happy Thanksgiving.
Amy: Do you have a hair straightener?
Rachel: Um... hi.
Amy: Oh... hi... (goes to Rachel with open arms)
Rachel: Aw.
(Amy grabs her arms)
Amy: Hair straightener?
Rachel: I haven't seen you in like... a year.
Amy: Oh, I know, I know. I've just been crazed.
Rachel: Oh well yeah me too. Um... I had a baby.
Amy: I decorated Dad's office.
Rachel: Oh... yeah? Well unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, (shakes head no) not the same thing.
Amy: Listen, um about the hair straightener, honey... I really need one. I'm going to have dinner at my boyfriend's house.
(Amy bending over fiddling with her purse when Emma cries and she hears Emma)
Amy: Oh my God!
Rachel: mh hmm...
Amy: Is this Emmett? (pointing to EMMA)
Rachel: Uh..... its Emma.
Amy: Its a girl?
(Ross comes out of the bedrooms)
Ross: Hey Amy.
Rachel: Oh Amy, you remember Ross.
Amy: Not really. But you are much cuter then that geeky guy she used to date.
Ross: That was me.
Amy: No, he was this creepy guy from high school who had this huge crush on her since like the ninth grade.
Ross with a look of wondering how long this is going to go on on his face : Still me.
Amy: No, I'm not talking about you. (to Rachel) It was your fat friends brother with that bad afro, do you remember?
Ross starts talking over her 'do you remember' line: Amy. I'm going to save you some time, ok. (spins finger around in circle) All me.
Monica and Chandler's Apartment.
(Joey is walking around looking worried. )
Monica: Careful. (hands Chandler a china plate) Careful. CAREFUL!
(Chandler is startled and nearly drops the plates.) Sorry.
Chandler: I'll tell you what, for the rest of our lives, I'll be careful until told otherwise. (looks at china) hey wait a minute this isn't the china we picked out...
Monica: I know, after you left the store, I chose different ones.
Chandler: Why?
Monica: well no offense honey, but your taste is a little feminine for me.
Chandler: Oh suddenly, flowers are feminine?
(Phoebe comes in)
Phoebe: Hey, everybody. Happy Thanksgiving!
Joey: Hey happy Thanksgiving... Pheebs! (motions her to come over)
Phoebe: Hey, what's going on Joe?
Joey: I... I... I need a good lie.
Phoebe: Oh okay. How about the whole "man walking on the moon" thing. You know? You. you could. You could see the strings people!
Joey: No, no, no I need a good lie to explain why I wasn't at a work thing today.
Phoebe: Ooh, honey. You stink at lying.
Joey: I do not.
Phoebe: Oh really. Okay. let me ask you something. Yesterday at the coffee house, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, my muffin was gone-who took it?
Joey: Somebody opened the door to the coffee house and a raccoon came running in, went straight for your muffin and I said "Hey don't eat that-that's Phoebe's" and he said... (pause) He said... "Joey you stink at lying." What am I going to do?
Phoebe: Don't worry, don't worry. We'll come up with a good lie. I'll help you practice it.
Joey: Oh great, that'd be great. Thank you.
Phoebe: Sure, what... what was the work thing?
Joey: Uh... (forgetting what the work thing was, rolls up his sleeve on his right arm and shows Phoebe, she looks)
Phoebe: "Pick up grandma at the airport"?
Joey: Oh... man...
Ross and Rachel's Apartment.
Amy with straight hair: Oh she's precious. Do you ever worry she's going to get your real nose?
Rachel: Amy! (pause) Yes I do... I really do. (grabs Ross' hand for support)
(Amy's cell phone rings)
Amy: Hello? Yeah, um. Hang on one sec. (to Ross and Rachel) Can I take this upstairs?
Ross: Sure, we don't live there but...
Amy: Seriously? Its... its just these rooms? (moves hands around motioning 'just these rooms')(To Ross) I thought you were a doctor.
Rachel: Yeah, no. Ross has a PhD.
Amy: Ew. (walks into Rachel's room, I'm guessing)
Rachel: God she is unbelievable.
Ross: I know, I mean a PhD is just as good as an MD.
Rachel: Oh sure Ross, yeah. If I have a heart attack in a restaurant, I want you there with your fossil brush.
Amy storms out: Stupid Thanksgiving.
Rachel: What? What happened?
Amy: My boyfriend canceled on me. I mean... I I finally find a real relationship. I mean, someone that I can spend this day with and then his wife comes back into town. I swear, its almost not worth dating married guys.
Ross: Don't say that.
Amy: Oh. I was so looking forward to this. It was going to be such a beautiful Thanksgiving. We were going to have sushi.
Rachel: Oh Amy, don't cry Amy. Um... Ross, could I talk to you in private?
Ross: Sure, you want to go upstairs?
(Ross and Rachel go in the kitchen)
Rachel: Um look I was thinking... If its ok with Monica I would like to invite Amy to Thanksgiving.
Ross: You know, I think thats a great idea. It'll be like the pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis.
Rachel: Look I know she's a little tough to take. She has no where else to go, and she's my sister. Alright, she's Emma's aunt. And I would like them to bond.
Ross: Ok, fine, but I don't want them bonding to much. I don't want her telling Emma she needs a nose job.
Rachel: Ross, you know what? She may need one...We're just going to have to make our peace with that!
(Rachel grabs Ross' hand for support and starts to cry a little)
Monica and Chandler's apartment
Rachel opens their door: Hi.
Everyone there says: Hi, hey.
Rachel: Hey you guys, this is my sister Amy. This is Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and you know Mon.
Everyone: Hi.
Amy: Oh my god. You're on Days of Our Lives.
Joey laughs: Yeah.
Amy: wow. They must put a lot of makeup on you.
Joey looks rejected: Hap... Hap... Happy Thanksgiving.
(Joey turns away and Chandler reassuringly pats him on the back)
Ross to Monica: Hi.
Monica to Ross: Hi.
(they hug and kiss on check)
Monica to Emma : Hey you.
Monica to Amy: So. Welcome. Is this your first time you're seeing Emma?
Amy with confused look on face: Yeah I... I think so. (sticks her hand out to shake hands with Phoebe and says to her) It's nice to meet you Emma.
Phoebe shakes her hand and says : Phoe-Be.
Amy: Oh. That's a funny noise.
(Monica and Amy turn away and walk into the living room towards the secret closet)
Joey: Pheebs, I still need some help here
Phoebe: Oh right, ok um. Ok so its not just the lie you tell. but its the way you tell it. . For example if you look down at the ground when you're talking, people know you're lying.
Joey: Oh... I don't know why this is so hard for me. you know... I mean lying is basically just acting and I am a terrfic actor.
Phoebe looks down : You are a terrific actor.
(Joey realizes what she's doing)
Amy coming out of the bathroom: Hey. Hey where's the baby?
Rachel: Oh we just put her down for a nap.
Amy: Oh I was just thinking. You know what would be incredible? If you guys died.
Ross first has a look of 'huh' then changes it to sarcastic happy: Thank you Amy.
Amy: no, no, then I would get the baby. I mean you know it would be just like a movie. Like at first I wouldn't know what to do with her, then I would rise to the occasion and and then I would get a makeover and then I'd get married.
Phoebe: Thats a great movie. (she claps)
(Joey nods in agreement)
Amy: Now listen, not that you guys could stop me or anything cause you know you'd be dead. I was thinking about changing her name. I'm just not really a big fan of Emily.
[Transcriber note: I'm surprised that Rachel and Ross didn't say they weren't either here]
Ross: Emma.
Amy turns around to Phoebe: Emma, Ross wants you.
Phoebe: PHOE-BE.
Amy turns to Ross and Rachel: Why does she keep making that noise?
Rachel: Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but um, if something were to happen to Ross or to myself (Ross and Rachel knock on wood) um you wouldn't get the baby.
Amy: Well who would?
Ross: Well we haven't offically asked them yet, but we would want Monica and Chandler.
Chandler: I can't believe you'd want us to raise Emma.
Monica: yeah oh my god, I'm so moved.
Amy: I don't believe this, hold on a second. You guys die and I don't get your baby?
Rachel: See look Amy, we're a lot closer to Monica and Chandler. We see them every day. And truthfully honey, you don't seem very connected to the baby.
Amy: Connected? I mean... to what? She's... she's a lump.
Chandler: You know, guys I got to say. This means so much to me. That you would trust me with your child. I mean, we all know that Monica and I have been trying to have a baby of our own. You know I've had my doubts about my skills as a father, but that you two... that you two..... (starts to cry)
Amy:(points to Chandler) This guy? Seriously?
Later in the day.
Monica: Okay! It's time for dinner. Everyone we're using our fancy china... um and its very expensive so please be careful.
Ross starts playing with a plate: Woah. Woah... (nearly really drops the plate and more seriously) Woah.
Monica: Okay, just to be clear comedy with the plates will not be well recieved. (pinches Ross' arm)
Ross makes some sort of sound to let us know it hurt.
Joey: Hey! How come my plate's less fancy then everyone else's? Do you not trust me with a fancy plate?
Monica: No, honey, its. thats a special plate. See its a game, whoever gets that plate wins.
Joey: I can't believe I won.
Amy: Its such a slap in the face. I'm your sister and you would give your baby to these strangers over me.
Rachel: Monica is Ross' sister.
Amy: No, Ross' sister was really fat.
Monica: That was me.
Amy: No, she was this really dorky girl in high school that used to follow Rachel around like a puppy dog.
Rachel: Hey. Amy. You've got to stop doing that.
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