【老友记117】It's either her or me

Scene 1 Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, he’s going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible? Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, I’m not saying she’s like evil or anything. She just, you know, she’s always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldn’t let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend? Monica and Rachel: (Wistfully, shaking their heads) No. Phoebe: Well, but that’s what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then he wouldn’t even talk to me any more. Because he said he didn’t wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us. Rachel: Oh... Oh, Pheebs. Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but... Chandler: You’re not gonna lose him. Monica: Hon, you gotta talk to Joey. Phoebe: Yeah. Okay. Ross: No, come on, he doesn’t know this stuff. If he knew how you felt. Phoebe: But he’s falling in love with her. Rachel: Oh please, they’ve been going out a week. They haven’t even slept together yet, I mean, that’s not serious. Phoebe: Okay... Okay. Scene 2 Phoebe: (as Ursula) Hey. Joey: Urse... (Phoebe nods as he stands up in delight.) Joey: ..ah, what're you doing here? I've been trying to call you. Phoebe: (as Ursula) Listen, um... Joey: No, no, no, don't say "listen." I know that "listen." I've said that "listen." Phoebe: (as Ursula) I'm sorry. Joey: I don't get it. What happened? What about everything you said under the bridge? (Phoebe is almost thrown by this.) Phoebe: (as Ursula): Yeah, um... (nervously clears her throat) You know you, you should just forget about what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk! Joey: You don't drink. Phoebe: (as Ursula) That's right, I don't... But I was, I was drunk on you! Joey: Oh, Urse... (He tries to take her in his amp3s, but she fends him off.) Phoebe: (as Ursula) Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work. Joey: Why? Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe? Phoebe: (as Ursula) If it was, would you stop hanging out with her? Joey: (Thinking carefully) no. No, I, I couldn't do that. Phoebe: (as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me. Joey: Then, uh, then I'm sorry. (He sinks to the sofa, saddened by Ursula's ultimatum, while Phoebe follows, touched by Joey's good heart.) Phoebe: (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a hand on his knee) You're gonna be really, really hard to get over. Joey: I know... (He looks up at her face and Phoebe, slipping out of character, smiles back at him. Joey's voice becomes soft and wamp3.) Joey: I don't know whether it's just 'cause we're breakin' up or... what, but you have never looked so beautiful. (Phoebe smiles, when Joey takes her face in his hands and kisses her.