播放量：22964 发布于：2017-03-06 18评论
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Forgiving My Father
When I was in 2nd grade, my father had a serious accident at the construction site where he worked. For months after, he stayed at home and slept all day. He didn’t even help around the house.
Before the accident he was a fun dad. He often took me and my older sister on trips to amusement parks and to playgrounds with our cousins and friends. He made us breakfast and walked us to school. Holidays were fun because we got toys and ate together at the table and talked. We often joked around.
But after the accident he changed and grew distant. I was too young to understand what he was going through. I wasn’t sad; I was angry that he was so different, so bitter. He hardly talked to us and when he did it was mostly to complain or get mad.
Three years later, he was able to go back to work. The drinking and staying out at night stopped, but he didn’t go back to his old self.
Always a No
When I was 13, my friend invited me to California for two weeks over the summer. I was so excited to go. My father said no.
“She’s not going anywhere,” my dad said to my mom.
“Well, it’s too late. I already bought the ticket,” she said.
“You guys always do everything behind my back. It pisses me off ). I feel disrespected!” he yelled. We would have asked him if we didn’t think he’d automatically say no, but I didn’t want to say that and extend the argument. I understood that he was angry and depressed about the accident, but I didn’t think it was fair that he took it out on his family ). So anger continued to build up inside me. I did things he disliked to antagonize ) him.
When I was 14, I started a therapy to help me deal with all the negativity. My sister went too. I didn’t want my father knowing but my mother eventually told him that we were going because we hated him. (She didn’t use those exact words. She was nicer about it.)
Surprisingly, I noticed my father started slowly changing after he learned that I was attending therapy because of him. He didn’t yell at me when my room was messy; he made an effort to talk to me more. He’d ask me to help him on the computer, or about my college plans, or when I was getting my driver’s license. We both loved plants so we talked about different ones we wanted to buy. When he went out and bought plants, he would buy me some. When my room was really messy he’d say in a calm tone, “Don’t forget to clean up.” It made me feel awkward that he was nice. I was used to us not talking, and I honestly preferred it. I was still angry.
My relationship with my father was improving until he did something that hurt me. My therapist rescued homeless cats and she gave me one. But we already had a cat and I was only allowed to have one. So I tried to hide the second cat in my room. Two weeks later my dad found her. “Whose cat is this?” he asked. He told me to get rid of her but I didn’t listen to him.
A few days later I came home with my friend Alex and my cat was gone.
“Where is my cat?” I screamed.
“You wouldn’t get rid of it so I did,” my dad said.
Then he went into the backyard. “I would not let that go,” said Alex. She fueled my rage.
I followed him outside and called him every curse I could think of. “I’ve hated you my whole life!” I screamed. I’d never yelled at my father like that before.
“You’re so ungrateful. I’m your father and you have no respect for me. If I talked to my father that way he would beat me.”
“I don’t care,” I said.
I was surprised he did not get mad. Instead, he started to cry. I had never seen him cry before. But I didn’t feel sorry for him. All I felt was anger and disgust. He walked back into the house. I went to go talk to my friend and sister in my room. He never told me what he did with the cat.
Living in Peace
After a couple of months, we slowly started talking again.
My sister convinced me to speak to my father when spoken to. “You said all those hurtful things to him just because he gave your cat away. You can’t just degrade someone like that. It’s just a cat, he’s your father. You’re dramatic,” said my sister.
“I wanted him to know how I feel about him,” I said.
Even though I agreed to start talking to him again, I didn’t understand my sister’s point.
Still, other than that incident, my father has been trying to be a better person so I am trying to forgive him. Right now, I’m fine with the relationship we have. Things have improved, and continue to do so. I’m less angry with him because even though he wasn’t a good father for a lot of years, he is changing. I know he has good intentions and wants the best for me.