第190期：嫉妒的解药

想成为我们的主播，欢迎加微信 xdfbook 投稿。 一段美文，一首英文歌，或是一点生活感想，全由你做主。 《嫉妒的解药》 The Antidote to Envy If I had a choice when it comes to vice, I’d pick any of the seven classics1) save the vice of envy. At least the other six have a connection to goodness, at least some of the time. Just think of the delicious indulgence of a lazy weekend or surrender to a decadent dessert; the satisfaction of a lustful fantasy or the thrill of pride. Even a passionate fight has something good to recommend it. But to my mind, envy is the deadliest2) of the seven deadlies, and in a category all its own. Envy turns us against ourselves and others. It disturbs peace of mind, fueling shame and guilt. At its root, envy is felt to be so fundamentally bad because it highlights what is lacking and hates goodness itself. Consciously, envy is so painful because it is based in a feeling of deprivation. We look at our neighbors and long for what they have, imagining their lives to be so much more beautiful, happy, and satisfying than our own. While an age-old phantom, Shakespeare’s green-eyed monster3) has been unleashed on steroids in our modern culture. Capitalism has cleverly engineered longing and desire, says Eve Ensler4), tantalizing5) us with offers of what we might have or who we might become in the future rather than embracing the good of what we have and are today. It is no surprise, then, that envy leaves a trail of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, poor body image, and perfectionism. At root, envy spoils our sense of goodness about ourselves. We feel inadequate. We feel small. We feel unworthy. For women judging ourselves by the ideals of modern society, we find ourselves longing for a better figure, a nicer house, a more appealing partner, more money, more professional success, more talented children, and the list goes on. To make matters worse, under the sway of6) envy, we feel surrounded by those who seem to have it all and the happiness that we imagine goes with it. Faced with the pressure of such comparisons, what are we to do? To be honest, most of us take the easy way out: We try to feel better about ourselves by spoiling the good in others. I think this is the real reason why envy is felt to be so deadly. It is one thing to long for what we do not have, but it is something far worse to attack the goodness in others. This dark underbelly7) of envy is the source of gossip, pettiness, complaining, and all manner of mean-girl maneuvers8). The quick and easy way out of the pain of envy is to attack what is good even if it means ruining it for everyone. Tearing down is so much easier than building up. It takes years for a business to build a good reputation and one bad Yelp9) review to tarnish it. Building a house takes grit, perseverance, resources and time. A single match can destroy it in a matter of minutes. The same is true for people. A rumor can ruin a career or a marriage; an unflattering photo on Facebook, someone’s good name. Negativity is very powerful, and envious attacks make swift work. But, of course, no one wins with this way of managing envy. No one feels good; nothing constructive is accomplished, and the vicious cycle of deprivation turning to spite10) keeps going round and round. The antidote to envy can only be found in playing the long game: you must grow yourself by building on the good you already have. Here, I share a story told about the world-famous violinist, Itzhak Perlman11). Stricken with polio as a child, Perlman wears braces on both legs and walks with two crutches12). At a concert, he tenaciously13) made his stage entrance without any assistance. The audience sat in awe and sympathy, watching him painfully enter and then cross the stage to his chair. One had the sense that the man had overcome enormous odds. That night like all other concert nights, Perlman tucked his violin under his chin and nodded at the conductor to begin. As he got into the piece one of the strings of his violin broke. It was a snap so obvious that it couldn’t be missed. Everyone thought that, surely, the momentum14) of the piece would be ruined, as he would have to stop to replace the string or borrow another violin, no easy task for even an able bodied man. After stopping the orchestra, the conductor looked over to see what Perlman wished to do. To everyone’s surprise, Perlman raised a single finger to the conductor, a sign to wait just a moment. He closed his eyes, clearly gathering his thoughts. Then he opened them, looked at the conductor, and signaled him to go on. The orchestra took the conductor’s cue, and off they went again as if they hadn’t missed a beat. Only now, Perlman was playing on three strings. One can imagine him working his way through the music around the missing string, compensating, adjusting, and improvising15). It couldn’t have been the same piece, of course. But it was brilliant, passionate, and beautiful. A local newspaper reported that when Perlman finished playing, the audience sat in stunned silence before leaping to their feet with an extraordinary outburst of applause. It was also reported that after the audience quieted down, Perlman wiped the sweat from his brow and said, “You know, sometimes it is the artist’s task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left.” I don’t know whether or not this story actually happened, but I know that, in the psychological sense, it is true. The truth of the story is that Itzhak Perlman is showing us more than his attitude toward music; he is showing us his attitude toward life. He knows the undeniable truth that no matter how hard he may work, he will never have it all. There will always be something missing—whether it is a string on the violin or the ability to walk with ease. But just as there always will be something missing, there always will be something left. Perlman decided to take the attitude that what is left is good and it is enough. Like a parable, this story can have a big impact if we have eyes to see and ears to hear. We will all face adversities in life of one kind or another, some big and some small. And we all know what it means to be lacking something, because that is the human condition. Envy tells us that someone, somewhere has it all—but it just isn’t true. It is everyone’s challenge in life to do something with whatever they have, and the best way to do that is to see the good, be thankful for it, and do something useful with it. 说到恶行，如果可以选择，我会选七宗罪里除嫉妒外的任意一个。至少其他六宗罪和善还沾得上边，至少有些时候是这样。想想慵懒的周末沉溺于美食或者对令人贪恋的甜点缴械投降；想想性幻想带来的满足或傲慢带来的兴奋；甚至充满激情的打斗也有值得称道的好处。但是在我看来，嫉妒是七宗罪里最致命的，并且自成一类。嫉妒让我们与自己为敌，与他人为敌。它扰乱了我们内心的宁静，加剧了我们的羞耻和内疚。寻根究底，嫉妒被认为从根本上就是恶的，因为它强调了缺失的东西，对善本身也心怀恨意。 从意识上来说，嫉妒让人感到非常痛苦，因为它建立在剥夺感之上。我们看着街坊领居，渴望着他们拥有的东西，想象着他们的生活比我们的要美好、幸福、美满得多。莎翁笔下的绿眼怪物，那个古老的幽灵，像打了兴奋剂，已经被释放到了我们现代文明中。伊芙·恩斯勒说，资本主义巧妙地策划了渴望和欲望，它告诉我们，将来我们或许会拥有什么，或许会成为什么样的人，以此来逗引我们，而不是让我们拥抱当下的美好：我们拥有的东西以及当下的自己。这样，嫉妒让我们沮丧、焦虑、不自信，让我们形象糟糕、追求完美，倒也不足为奇。 从根本上来说，嫉妒让我们感觉不到自己好的一面。我们感觉自己能力不足。我们感到自己渺小。我们感到自己没有价值。女性用现代社会的完美典范来判定自己，因此我们发现自己渴望更好的身材、更精美的房子、更有魅力的伴侣、更多的金钱、更多专业上的成就、更有天赋的孩子，还有很多很多。更糟糕的是，受嫉妒的影响，我们感觉周围的人似乎拥有一切以及我们以为随着这一切而来的快乐。面对这些对比带来的压力，我们要做些什么呢？ 说句老实话，我们大多数人都选择了容易的办法：我们试图毁掉别人的好以此来让自己感觉好一点。我想嫉妒被认为如此致命的真正原因就在于此。渴望我们没有的东西也就罢了，攻击别人的好那就恶劣得多。嫉妒的这个阴暗面成了谣言、卑鄙、抱怨和坏女孩所有花招的源头。摆脱嫉妒之苦最快、最容易的方法就是抨击美好的东西，即使这意味着毁掉每个人的好。 拆除要比建造简单得多。一家公司建立良好的声誉需要花费很多年， 而毁掉声誉只需要Yelp上一条负面评论。建造房子需要勇气、毅力、资源和时间，但一根小小的火柴在几分钟之内就可以摧毁它。对人来说道理也是一样。一个谣言可以毁掉一份事业或一段婚姻；Facebook上一张不讨喜的照片可以毁掉一个人的好名声。消极性的力量非常强大，所以嫉妒的危害总是立竿见影。 不过，当然了，用这种方法控制嫉妒，没人成为赢家。没有人感觉良好，也没有任何建设性的成就。剥夺感转向伤害，形成恶性循环，不停地循环着。只有放眼长远，我们才能发现嫉妒的解药：你必须依赖自己已有的好，自己成长。 在这里，我要分享一个故事，讲的是享誉全球的小提琴家伊扎克·帕尔曼。帕尔曼从小患有骨髓灰质炎，双腿一直带着支架，拄着两条拐杖走路。在一场音乐会上，他坚持不要任何帮助，自己走上舞台。看着他艰难地走上台，之后穿过舞台坐上自己的椅子，坐在台下的观众充满敬畏，也心生同情。人们可以感受到这个人克服了巨大的困难。 和其他所有的音乐会之夜一样，这一晚，帕尔曼把小提琴夹在下巴下，对着指挥点了点头，表示可以开始了。他刚进入一首曲子，小提琴的一根弦就断了。弦断的声音很明显，所有人都听见了。每个人都以为这首曲子肯定是毁了，因为他必须停下来换弦或借琴，而这甚至对四肢健全的人来说都不是一件简单的事。 指挥让乐队停下来，朝帕尔曼看去，看他希望怎么做。让所有人惊讶的是，帕尔曼朝指挥举起一根手指，意思是稍等一下。他闭上眼睛，很显然在整理思绪。之后他睁开眼睛，看着指挥，示意他继续。乐队得到了指挥的提示，又开始演奏起来，好像他们从没错过一个节拍。只是这时帕尔曼在用三根弦演奏。 ………… 文章摘自：《新东方英语》杂志2017年1月号