[46.What Is Real Happiness?]
The way people hold to the belief
that a fun-filled, pain-free life equals happiness
actually reduces their chances of ever attaining real happiness.
If fun and pleasure are equal to happiness
then pain must be equal to unhappiness.
But in fact, the opposite is true:
more often than not things that lead to happiness involve some pain.
As a result, many people avoid the very attempts
that are the source of true happiness.
They fear the pain inevitably brought
by such things as marriage,
raising children,
professional achievement,
religious commitment,
self-improvement.
Ask a bachelor why he resists marriage
even though he finds dating to be less and less satisfying.
If he is honest
he will tell you that he is afraid of making a commitment.
For commitment is in fact quite painful.
The single life is filled with fun, adventure, excitement.
Marriage has such moments,
but they are not its most distinguishing features.
Couples with infant children are lucky
to get a whole night's sleep or a three-day vacation.
I don't know any parent
who would choose the word fun to describe raising children.
But couple who decide not to have children
never know the joys of watching a child grow up
or of playing with a grandchild.
Understanding and accepting
that true happiness has nothing to do with fun
is one of the most liberating realizations.
It liberates time:
now we can devote more hours to activities
that can genuinely increase our happiness.
It liberates money:
buying that new car or those fancy clothes
that will do nothing to increase our happiness
now seems pointless.
And it liberates us from envy:
we now understand
that all those who are always having so much fun
actually may not be happy at all.