初吻 | Call Me By Your Name · Sean

为你读英语美文·第305期：初吻 | 为你读Call Me By Your Name原著 主播：Sean 坐标：多伦多 Call Me By Your Name 节选 作者：安德烈·艾席蒙 译者：吴妍蓉 Each leaning on one arm, we both stared out at the view. ”You're the luckiest kid in the world”, he said. ”You don't know the half of it.” 我们各自撑着手肘，盯着风景看。“你是世间少有的幸运儿。”他说。“你只看到了一部分。” I let him ponder my statement. Then, perhaps to fill the silence that was becoming unbearable, I blurted out, “So much of it is wrong, though.” 我让他仔细思考我的话。接着，或许是为了填补令人难堪的沉默，我脱口说：“不过，其实你看错了。” “What? Your family?” “什么？你的家人吗？” “That too.” “也包括他们在内。” “Living here all summer long, reading by yourself, meeting all those dinner drudges your father dredges up at every meal?” He was making fun of me again. “整个夏天住在这里，一个人读书，每顿饭都要应付令尊给你张罗来的‘正餐苦役’？”他又在寻我开心。 I smirked. No, that wasn't it either. 我冷笑。不是，也不是那个。 He paused a moment. 他停顿了一会儿。 “Us, you mean.” “你是指我们。” I did not reply. 我没回答。 “Let's see, then…“ And before I knew it, he sidled up to me. We were too close, I thought, I'd never been so close to him except in a dream or when he cupped his hand to light my cigarette. If he brought his ear any closer he'd hear my heart. I'd seen it written in novels but never believed it until now. 那，我们试试看。”我还没回过神，他就已经偷偷靠近我。太近了，我想，除了在梦里，或他拱手替我点烟之外，我还从没这么靠近他。 如果他把耳朵再贴近一些，就能听到我的心跳。我在小说里读到过，可是直到现在才真的相信。 He stared me right in the face, as though he liked my face and wished to study it and to linger on it, then he touched my nether lip with his finger and let it travel left and right and right and left again and again as I lay there, watching him smile in a way that made me fear anything might happen now and there'd be no turning back. 他注视着我的脸，仿佛喜欢我的脸，想要加以研究，依恋不舍，接着他伸出手指触摸我的下唇，从左到右，再从右到左，一次又一次来回游移，我躺着，看他露出微笑，那微笑令我害怕当下会发生什么让人无法回头的事。 That this was his way of asking, and here was my chance to say no or to say something and play for time, so that I might still debate the matter with myself, now that it had reached this point— except that I didn't have any time left, because he brought his lips to my mouth, a warm, conciliatory, I'll-meet-you-halfway-but-no-further kiss till he realized how famished mine was. 或者这是他提问的方式，而我现在有机会拒绝或讲些什么来拖延时间，这样一来，我或许还能自我辩解，既然都到了这个节骨眼——只是我没时间了，他已经把他的嘴唇贴到了我的嘴唇上，给了我一个温暖、和解和“我只能做到这里”的吻，直到他发现我的吻有多饥渴。 I wished I knew how to calibrate my kiss the way he did. But passion allows us to hide more, and at that moment on Monet's berm, if I wished to hide everything about me in this kiss, I was also desperate to forget the kiss by losing myself in it. 但愿我知道如何像他一样节制自己的吻。但热情容许我们将好多东西隐藏起来，那一刻在莫奈的崖径上，我想把关于我的一切隐藏在这个吻里，我也渴望自己迷失在这个吻里，就像一个人希望脚下的大地裂开，然后将自己吞没。 “Better now?” He asked afterward. “好一点了吗？”事后他问。 I did not answer but lifted my face to his and kissed him again, almost savagely, not because I was filled with passion or even because his kiss still lacked the zeal I was looking for, but because I was not so sure our kiss had convinced me of anything about myself. I was not even sure I had enjoyed it as much as I'd expected and needed to test it again, so that even in the act itself, I needed to test the test. 我没回答，只是扬起脸再一次吻他，动作近乎野蛮，不是因为充满激情，甚至不是因为他的吻仍缺乏我所追求的那种热情，而是因为我不确定我们的吻是否能让我的自我确定多一些。我甚至不确定我是否像先前期待那般乐在其中。我要再试一次，即使那个行动本身已把答案揭晓，我都需要再试一次。 ▎主播介绍 Sean: 毕业于上海交通大学，多伦多大学，现在在多伦多从事法律工作 主播：Sean | 策划，制作：永清 文字，音乐，图片非商业用途，版权归作者或版权方所有