介绍:
Jan. 10th, 2011, 9:30 a.m.
Subject: Assumptions
Dear Ms. Rothner,
Please forgive my silence over the holidays. My life is somewhat chaotic at the moment. You wanted to know why I assumed you took no longer 20 secs to write your "ei" Email.
Well, it seems to me that you are a fast talker and typist, a bubbly individual. Your Emails are breathless, zippy, and I can't detect any pauses. But, if you are telling me that it took you maybe three minutes to write that "ei" Email, I must be wrong. Thank you in any case, for your refreshing manner. And if you happen to air into my in-box again, I'd be delighted.
Dear Mr. Leike,
I was just irritated that you presume I was someone who simply dashes off Emails. It's true, of course, but you have no right to know it. You obviously know a lot about Emailing. Are you a professor?
Best regards,
Emmi Bubbly Rothner
Feb 5th, 2011, 10:00 a.m.
Subject: Hello
Hello Mr. Leike.
You never answered my question of three weeks ago. Anyway I just wanted to tell you that after a year of tryin’, my subscription to LIKE magazine has finally been canceled. I still don't know whether you are professor, and Google's never heard of you.
Best regards,
Emmi Rothner
Dear Ms. Rothner,
I'm so glad you've written again. Did you really google me?
As it happens I'm not a professor. I'm an university assistance in Language Psychology. Maybe I'm writing like someone older at the moment. And I suspect that you are writing like someone younger than you are. As it happens, we are currently working on a study looking at the influence of Emails on our linguistic behavior. This is why I tend to talk short. But in the future I promise to restrain myself.
All the best.
Leo
Dear Mr. Language Psychologist,
Which part of the Email you just sent me do you think I found most interesting so much so that I urgently need to ask you about it?
All the best,
Emmi Rothner
Dear Emmi Rothner,
Ok, I guess that you are most interested in my observation that you write like somebody younger than you are. Now you are forced to ask yourself what makes him think that, and then, how old does he actually think I am. Am I right?
Uh...How old is my writing. How old am I? And why? If you managed to solve this puzzle, you can tell me what my shoe size is too.
All the best,
Emmi
ps I'm enjoying this.
I really have to get on and finish some work here. But, I would say you write like a 30-year-old, and you are really around 40. A 30-year-old doesn't subscribe to LIKE magazine. But, you work with websites, so you could be even younger than 30, except that nobody younger than 30 would send a Mass Email to clients wishing them a merry Christmas. And finally, your name is Emmi, short for Emma. 30-year-olds aren't called Emma. I know three Emmas and they all over 40. Emmis are younger. And in short my dear Emmi Rothner, you write as if you are 30 but in fact you are 42, am I right? Your shoe size is six. You are petite, bubbly and have short dark hair, am I right?
Have a good evening.
Leo Leike
Dear Ms. Rothner,
You've gone silent. Have I offended you? I have a hazy picture of you and I tried to convey this to in Yesterday's Email. I really didn't mean to offend you.
Best wishes,
Leo Leike
Feb 6th, 2011, 10:00 a.m.
Subject: getting to know each other.
Dear Leo,
I thoroughly enjoyed your Emails yesterday and I'm not offended in the least. I would just say that the LIKE Magazine subscription was a present from my mother. So what now? Am I younger than I write? I'm going to have to leave you to ponder this. I'm afraid that I've got an appointment. What can it be? Confirmation class? Ballet Lesson? Manicure? You decide. Have a nice day, Leo.
Emmi
ps You weren't so off with the shoe size. I'm a five.
Emmi,
So sorry I haven't replied for a few days. In my defense I have actually written to you everyday. I just haven't send the Emails. I've reached an ackward stage in our correspondence you see. She, this Emmi with the size five shoes, is beginning to interest me more than she ought to. I think it's wise to work on the assumption we will never meet in person. And I don't want our correspondence to sink to the level of lonely-hearts banter.
All the best.
Leo.
Nothing seems to make sense.
What I think you are saying is:
1. You write me Emails and don't send them.
2. You are gradually getting more interested in me...What does that mean?
3. You don't seem to want to know what I look like as you think it's wise we'll never meet. I envy your devotion to wisdom.
4. You don't want banter. So what do you want?
Good night.
Emmi
Morning Emmi,
Thank you for your questions.
Has it occured to you that we know absolutely nothing about each other? We've yet to say anything about our everyday lives, about the things that are important to us. And, thanks to some crummy local magazine we know we live in the same city. But what else? We share a hobby. We are both interested in a complete stranger! Brilliant! In fact I'm very interested in you, Emmi. I don't know why. Do you want me to keep writing to you? I'd be grateful for a straight answer.
My very best wishes,
Leo
That was a long one. You must be having a day off, or does this count as work?
Leo, I want you to keep sending me Emails, if you don't mind. And if that is not clear enough I will say it again: YES, PLEASE! More EMAILS from LEO! MORE EMAILS FROM LEO!
All the very very best,
Emmi
