Checking Parenting Skills (daily joke 180210)

Daily joke and the culture behind Narrator – Dave 中国英语世界第一人   Saturday, February 10, 2018   Checking your Parenting Abilities   Here is a sure-fire set of tests to check your parenting abilities. This is about as close as you can get to the real deal!   MESS TEST   Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.   TOY TEST   Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute with roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.   GROCERY STORE TEST   Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.   DRESSING TEST   Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.   FEEDING TEST   Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now, dump the contents of the jug on the floor.   NIGHT TEST   Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00pm, begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00am. Set alarm for 5:00 am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.   INGENUITY TEST   Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. AUTOMOBILE TEST   Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There! Perfect.   PHYSICAL TEST (Women)   Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.   PHYSICAL TEST (Men)   Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.   FINAL ASSIGNMENT   Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers!   Topic for Today   180210   What tests can you possibly pass?   1.      What skill tests can you possibly pass?   2.      And what will you difinitely fail?