Friends 609 The One Where Ross Got High

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is mixing some Thanksgiving treat (I’m assuming mashed potatoes) in a bowl.] Monica: (on phone) Okay, great!  Bye. (Hangs up as Chandler enters.) So guess who’s coming to Thanksgiving dinner? Chandler: Sydney Portier? Hehheh. [Chandler throws his coat on the couch] Monica: (not amused by Chandler’s joke) I miss Rachel. (To Chandler) No, my parents. Chandler: Oh! That’s great, they haven’t seen the place since I moved in! [Monica goes to fiddle with something on the table.] Monica: Yeah, and y’know, if you could not mention to them that we live together, that would be great! (Quickly trying to change subjects), I was thinking we would eat around four. [Monica goes to the stove.] Chandler: (shocked at the news) Why can’t I tell them that we live together? Monica: Because they don’t know we’re dating. (Again, trying to quickly change subjects.) Do you think we should eat in the kitchen? (Goes to the sink and the stove to cook.) Chandler: Why haven’t you told them?! Monica: Um, well, I was going to, I-I-I really was. But um, then somewhere, just out of nowhere, I didn’t. Chandler: Why haven’t you told them?! Wouldn’t they be happy?! Monica: (trying to change subjects, excitedly) So! Dinner in the kitchen around four! I’ll see you then. (Pats Chandler on the shoulder and goes into the living room.) Chandler: Why wouldn’t they be happy? Monica: Well, um, because mainly, um, they don’t like you. I’m sorry. Chandler: What? What? Why?! Monica: Maybe because you used to be aloof, or that you’re really sarcastic, or that, y’know, you joke around all the time. Or that you take off your clothes and throw them on the couch. Chandler: Is this why they don’t like me or why you don’t like me? Monica: Look, I know that I should’ve told them. I know I shouldn’t care what they think. I’m sorry. Chandler: Y’know, it’ll be okay. It’ll be okay. Because when they come over, I will be all charming, I will make them fall in love with me, and then we’ll tell ‘em. Monica: You really think that’ll work? Chandler: Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe, I won YOU over, didn’t I? Monica: (hugging Chandler) I don’t think you’ll ever get my parents that drunk! Opening Credits [Scene: Joey and Janine’s, Joey and Ross are playing Sony Playstation. Chandler enters.] Chandler: Hey! (Sees Ross is there) Oh, good, Ross! You’re parents like me, right? [Chandler goes to stand to the side of the TV.] Ross: (only half-paying attention) Yes, of course they like you! Chandler: Well Monica just told me that they don’t. Ross: (not paying attention) Yeah, they don’t like you. Chandler: (annoyed) Do you know why? Ross: I dunno, maybe it’s because you’re really sarcastic. Or maybe it’s cause you uh- Chandler: (angry) Well if people don’t know they shouldn’t just guess! [Joey and Ross get annoyed with Chandler's outburst.] Chandler: This is great, another Thanksgiving with nothing to give thanks for. Joey: Maybe I could give thanks for you shuttin’ up, eh? Chandler: Maybe I could give thanks by taking my Playstation over to my new apartment. Joey: Well maybe I love ya’. Chandler: [mocks that last comment]. [Chandler starts to leave as Janine enters] Janine [to Chandler]: Hey. Chandler: Hey. [Chandler exits] Janine: Hey guys! [Joey and Ross drop their video game controllers.] Ross: (trying to act manly in front of Janine) No I don’t want to play video games, Joey! Janine: Are you guys going to Chandler’s for Thanksgiving? Joey: Yeah! Yeah, why? What’s up? Janine: Well, me and my dancer friends are thinking of doing Thanksgiving uptown. I thought you guys might like to come. Ross: For real? Janine: No, but you should go to Chandler’s. Because none of us knows how to cook, we’ll probably just end up drinking all day. Joey: Ye-ye, we go to yours! Ross: Yeah, see, we-we-we have to stop across the hall, because it’s my sister. But, uh, uh y’know actually, growing up with a sister was nice because it really helped me understand women. Yeah, you-you should tell your friends that. Janine: (not sure of what to make of that) Okay. [Janine leaves] [Ross looks at Joey coyly.] Joey: How you got three women to marry you, I’ll never know. [Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, Phoebe enters with a paper turkey.] Phoebe: Hey! All: Hey! Rachel: Hey! Hey, Pheebs, check it out. Yeah, for my desert, I have chosen to make a traditional English truffle! Phoebe: Wow, that sounds great! And what are you making Monica, in case Rachel’s dessert is...[about to say “bad”] so good that I eat all of it. There’s none left for anybody else! [Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel laugh] Monica: Nothing. Rachel: (worried) Nothing? Monica: No, sweetie, I-I trust you. Rachel: So, if-if I mess this up, there’s nothing else for dessert? Monica: You’re not gonna mess it up. Rachel: Wow, Monica, I love that, you really have faith in me. Thank you. Technical question, how do you know when uh, the butter’s done? Monica: Well, it’s done about two minutes before it looks like that. [Joey and Ross enter.] Joey and Ross: Hey! All: Hey! Joey: Oh, ooh the food smells great, Mon! Ross: And the place looks so nice! Joey: Yeah, hey hey, Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Ross: Happy Thanksgiving! The Girls: Happy Thanksgiving! Joey: Well, this has been great! Ross: See ya! [Joey and Ross go to the door, ready to leave.] Monica: Whoa whoa whoa! Where’re you goin’? Ross: Oh, oh, we did say we’d stop by this little thing Joey’s roommate is having. Monica: Oh, Janine, the really hot dancer girl? Ross: Some would say she’s attractive, yes. Phoebe: And who else is going to be there? Joey: Uh, some of her friends, yeah. Rachel: Her dancer friends? Joey: (frustrated) Yes, all right? All of her hot dancer friends are gonna be there and they’re gonna be, be drinkin’ and dancin, and we really wanna go! Ross: (to Joey) Dude, we were good! Monica: You’re not gonna go anywhere, you said you were gonna eat here, and you’re gonna eat here! Phoebe: Yeah, and-and leaving us to go see hot dancer girls is not very Thanksgivingy. Ross: Oh, but-but it is, uh, it’s just like the first Thanksgiving, when the Indians and the Pilgrims uh, sat down to dinner. Joey: Yeah, yeah, and the Indians taught the Pilgrims what it meant to be hot in the new world! [Enter Jack and Judy Geller] Mrs. Geller: Hello everybody! Mr. Geller: Hi! All: Hi! [Kisses and hugs are exchanged.] Monica: Dad [kisses Jack], Mom [kisses Judy]. Look! Look who it is it’s Chandler! Mrs. Geller: (less than pleased) Oh yes of course, hello Chandler. Chandler: Mr. and Mrs. Geller, you look wonderful, it is great to have you hear, let us take off your coats! [Chandler goes to take off Jack’s coat. He then notices little white flakes on Jack’s shoulders. He begins to wipe them off.] Chandler: Whoa, snowing out there? Mr. Geller: (angry) No. [Time lapse. The gang is sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is at the head of the table, Mr and Mrs Geller are to his right. Joey and Ross are to his left. Monica is serving things. Phoebe is in the living room and Rachel is at the sink.] Mr. Geller: Monica, all this food looks wonderful, you should think about doing this for a living. [Chandler, trying to make nice with Jack, laughs at his joke and points at Jack.] Mr. Geller: Ok, I have dandruff. There’s no need to laugh and point. [Monica rushes over to Chandler’s side.] Monica: Dad, Chandler was just laughing at your joke. Mr. Geller: My joke wasn’t funny. [Phoebe walks from the living room to the kitchen and talks quietly to Rachel.] Phoebe: Rach, Rach, I just remembered. I had a dream about Mr. Geller last night. Rachel: Really?! Phoebe: Yeah, I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building and he was so brave and so strong! And it’s making me look at him totally differently. Y’know, I mean he used to be just, y’know “Jack Geller Monica and Ross’s dad” and now he’s he’s “Jack Geller, dream hunk." [We see a shot of Jack stuffing his face with food. Some dream hunk!] Rachel: I dunno. Y’know to me he’ll always be “Jack Geller, walks in while you’re changing.” [Time lapse. Ross and Joey are cleaning the table while Judy and Phoebe talk by the window. Jack and Chandler are sitting on the couch while Monica sits on the coffee table.] Monica: Y’know dad, Chandler is one of Ross’s very best friends! Chandler: Yeah, Ross sure is a great guy, y’know I’ve always felt that how a young man turns out is a reflection on his father. Mr. Geller: I always thought that too. Tell me, what does your father do? [Chandler and Monica exchange worried looks.] Chandler: (worried) He’s the headliner of a gay burlesque show. [Rachel is in the kitchen fiddling with her English truffle. Joey and Ross, anxious to leave and go to Janine’s party, are egging her on to hurry up.] Joey: Rach, you’re killin’ us here, will ya serve the dessert already? Those drunken dancers are waiting! Rachel: (looking at her truffle) Look at it, isn’t it beautiful? Ross: Yeah, yeah, what is it? Rachel: It’s a truffle. It’s got all of these layers. First there’s a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch, [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauteed with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like something’s wrong.] then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top! [Joey and Ross make confused faces.] Ross: W-What was the one right before bananas? Rachel: The beef? Yeah, that was weird to me, too. But then, y’know, I thought “well, there’s mincemeat pie,” I mean that’s an English dessert, these people just put very strange things in their food, y’know. [To Joey] Oh! by the way, can I borrow some Rum from your place? Joey: Y-sure! Rachel: (teasingly) And while I’m gone don’t you boys sneak a taste. Joey and Ross: (faking dissapointment) Okay. [Rachel leaves] Ross: Beef in a dessert?! I- no no no, there is no way! [Ross goes to look in the magazine Rachel got her recipe from.] Joey: I know, and only one layer of jam?! What is up with that? [Ross looks up as if saying that Joey was weird. He begins flipping through the pages, only to find that they are sticky. So one page is overlapping another, making two recipes look like one.] Ross: Oh my God, the pages are stuck together! Joey: (turning to Chandler in a scolding tone) Chandler! Ross: Oh My God, she-she made half a English Trifle, and half a...Sheperd’s Pie! Joey: (sad) Oh man! Now she’s gonna start all over! We’re never gonna get to introduce the hot girls to the new world! Ross: No, no, we will. We just won’t tell her she messed up. Joey: Just let her serve the beef-custard thing? Ross: Yeah, it’ll be like a funny Thanksgiving story! Joey: (shrugging his shoulders to go along with it) Vomiting stories are funny... [Rachel enters] Rachel: Joey, God, your apartment is like a hundred degrees! Joey: Did-did it make you wanna walk around in your underwear? Rachel: No! Joey: (frustrated) Still not hot enough! [Joey leaves] [Phoebe walks over to talk to Rachel.] Phoebe: Rachel? Rachel: Yeah? Phoebe: Okay, look at him. Look at those strong hands. Oh what I wouldn’t give to be that can of (looks closer to see what Jack is drinking) condensed milk. [We see a shot of Jack drinking condensed milk on the couch.] [Ross and Judy enter the living room. Judy and Ross sit down on the couch beside Jack. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the coffee table.] ……