介绍:
The Serious Side Effects of Small Rejections
Why do we get so upset
if we're not included in a group lunch,
even when we know it's probably
just an oversight?
And what about those people
who hate the whole idea of Valentine's Day,
yet still feel bad if they aren't asked out at all?
Turns out, there are good evolutionary reasons
for our inability to brush off
even the slightest slight.
To survive, it was better for
our ancestors be part of a group
than left out in the cold
to search for food on their own.
But in a modern world,
our hypersensitivity to rejection can have
surprisingly destructive consequences.
When we're socially or romantically excluded,
even in seemingly insignificant ways,
it can lead to a host of negative psychological
and physical side effects.
That includes everything from lower scores
on intelligence tests to a weakened immune system
and increased aggression.
Psychologist Twenge's research has found
that rejected individuals also become less social,
are more likely to interpret neutral words
and behaviors as signs of rejection
and score lower on intelligence tests.
And this pain was felt whether the rejection came
from someone we want to like us,
or someone we couldn't care less about.
For a while, researchers had two theories
about how one rejection would impact future
social interactions.
Either it would make individuals
more social and friendly,
since they want to find a place to belong,
or less social to prevent another hurtful rejection.
Research over the past decade has sided
with the later hypothesis:
socially rejected individuals become more aggressive
and less likely to exhibit prosocial behavior.
Twenge describes it as an "interesting little paradox"
because the more we get hurt by rejection,
the more we push away connections.
That angst seems to be amplified
if we have the perception
that we're the only one
who's left out or who's been hurt;
that, in other words,
everyone else is either well-liked
or too independent to have rejection annoy them.
And, according to Twenge,
Americans are particularly reluctant to admit
that we're feeling rejected.
We're often told we should be
able to brush off rejection without a thought.
And that if we can't, we're weak.
But the experts don't recommend
pretending everything is OK. Rather,
Twenge says accepting loneliness as a condition
that everyone experiences from time to time
and taking active steps to combat it
can help people tackle better the blow of rejection
and the pain of loneliness.
One tactic to fight feeling left out
can be to make an invitation instead
of waiting for one to arrive.
Some of Twenge's recent studies
looked at other factors
that can alleviate the anti-social,
aggressive reactions
that usually follow social rejection.
A friendly encounter after a social rejection
-as small as thanking people
and giving them a piece of candy for their participation
-helped relieve some of the aggression.
And, she found that
when participants were socially rejected,
but then wrote about a loved one for two minutes
they no longer were aggressive.
大家还在听
