Friends 1008 The One With The Late Thanksgiving

[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter, the others are sitting on the couch.] Monica: Hey guys! Rachel: Hi! Phoebe: Hey! Monica: We need to talk to you about something. Chandler: Yeah. We don't feel like we can host Thanksgiving this year. All: What? Phoebe: Hey! Ross: Are you kidding? Chandler: Well, it's just with uhm, work and the stress of adoption, we just don't feel like we have the energy. Plus, we don't think it's fair that every year the burden falls on us. Ross: (skeptical) That doesn't sound like you... That's Monica talking! Chandler: No, no! We made this decision together. Ross: She's putting words in your mouth! Joey: Don't you put words in people's mouths, you put turkey in people's mouths! Rachel: I can't believe this! This is Emma's first Thanksgiving! Monica: No, it's not! Rachel: It's not? (whispering to Ross) When was she born? Phoebe: Well, personally I think it's great you're giving yourself a break. Monica: Thank you, Pheebs! Phoebe: Sure. It's just as well... I mean, last year wasn't very good. I think she's losing her touch. Monica: What? You are way off, lady! Phoebe: Am I? Really? Am I? Well, why don't you cook Thanksgiving dinner and prove me wrong! Well, think about it, think about it, you'll be trying to top than you did last year. You'd be in competition... with yourself. Monica: That's my favourite kind! Okay, we are doing this! Chandler: Don't let yourself get manipulated this way! Monica: Hey, stay out of this, Chandler! This is between me... and ME! Chandler: We are supposed to make these decisions together! Did you not watch the Doctor Phil I taped for you? OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Monica are in there, and Phoebe enters] Phoebe: Hey! Rachel: Hi! Happy Thanksgiving! Phoebe: Oh, yeah, happy needless-turkey-murder day. Monica: You guys, I ordered some chocolate pies from that bakery on Bleecker. Could you pick them up for me? Phoebe: You're not making the pies yourself? Monica: No, no, no, I don't make chocolate pies. When I was younger I entered this pie-eating contest. I ate so many that just the thought of them made me sick. Rachel: Did you at least win the contest? Monica: 2 minutes, 12 pies and a part of one tin! Okay, I see you guys at 4. Rachel: Can't wait! Monica: This dinner is gonna be so great! In your face, last year "me"! (Monica leaves) Phoebe: Hey Rach. Rachel: Yeah. Phoebe: What's Emma doing today? Rachel: Well, let's see... uh... I know that she has a meeting with her lawyer and then she has to make a very big poop. Why? Phoebe: Well, I wanna enter her in a baby beauty pageant. Rachel: Oh my God! That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard! Phoebe: Okay, but, well, before you say no, my friend Susanne is entering her kid and compared to Emma she's a real dog! Rachel: Oh! Phoebe, all babies are beautiful! Phoebe: (sarcastic) Oh... okay. Rachel: Phoebe, just the idea of pitting one baby against another, I mean, you know, and judging who's cuter just for a trophy... Rachel: And a thousand dollars. Rachel: ...is something I'm very interested in! Oh please, do not tell Ross. He still believes that (in a deep voice, mocking Ross) what's in the inside is important... Phoebe: Okay, oh, and Emma needs a cowgirl outfit for the competition. Rachel: Where am I gonna get a cowgirl outfit on Thanksgiving? Phoebe: Well, I was thinking... Rachel: Oh, take the clothes of Joey's Cabbage Patch Kid. Phoebe: Yeah! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is watching TV and Monica is cooking] Monica: (Chandler's laughing) Did someone drop the baton again? Chandler: Why come all the way from Kansas to do that? Monica: (she tastes what she has cooked) I don't get older. I just get better! Chandler: You know what just occurred to me? This could be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I mean, we could be getting a baby soon! Monica: You don't know that. Chandler: Somebody is gonna pick us. Monica: Yeah, but we haven't heard a thing from the adoption agency and it has been weeks! Chandler: I'm telling ya! It's gonna happen. Next year it's gonna be you, me and the little Hemingway Bing. (pause) What, he's my favourite author! Monica: Name one of his books. Chandler: (after a long pause) "The Firm"? Monica: Ok, let's see... uhm, okay, the turkey is in the oven, the stuffing is ready... Chandler: You know, you always cook this meal all by yourself. Let me help this year. Monica: Oh, Chandler, that's sweet. But you don't have to do everything Doctor Phil tells you to do. Chandler: I'm serious, let me do something, just not the turkey or the stuffing, nothing "high profile". Monica: Ok, let's see... Oh, the cranberry sauce, it is easy to make and no-one really cares about it. Chandler: Tell me more. Monica: Okay, I'm gonna go check on something across the hall. You start by washing these (she gives Chandler a bowl with cranberries. Then, while she's going outside, she sees him with a bottle of soap in his hands) Not with soap!! (she leaves) Chandler: You obviously haven't tasted my Palmolive potatoes! (Ross and Joey enter) Ross: Hey! Hey, guess what Joey has! Joey: Three tickets to today's Rangers game!! Ross: Dude, I wanted him to guess. Joey: Oh. Chandler: Oh my God! Joey: Yeah, they're great seats too! Ross: Guess where they are? Joey: Center ice. Ross: Did I do something to you? Chandler: Hmm, the game's at one. Ross: So? Chandler: Dinner is at four, we'll never gonna make it back. Joey: So we'll leave before it's over, we'll be back in time. Chandler: You say that now, but it could take us a long time to get back home. Plus Joey could get lost and and they could have to page us to go pick him up. Joey: Dude, two times that happened! Chandler: Look, Monica has been working hard all day, she didn't wanna host this thing in the first place, we shouldn't go! Ross: He's right, man. Joey: Right, I guess. Alright, so see you at four. Chandler: Okay. (pause) And get ready to taste my very special cranberries. Or should I say... chanberries! Joey: That's some gentle comedy, dude. (he and Ross leave) Ross: We're still going at the game, right? Joey: Yeah! Ross: Yeah. [Scene: Baby beauty contest] Host: This is contestant number sixteen, Rebecca... Phoebe: Hey. Rachel: Oh Phoebe, listen. Well, I think we gotta go. This place is really freaking me out. I've been watching this guy over there, I don't think he came with a kid! Phoebe: We can't leave now! There was this one baby, Haley, who was favourite to win and she got croup, so she had to stay home! This competition just blew wide open, folks! Rachel: Phoebe, I think... It's just too weird, I just saw a one year old running around with pantyhose on! Phoebe: Oh, I know, we should have been more prepared. (she looks around) It's okay. Now, the way I see it, our real competition now is Cameron. Oh my God, they just took her sweater off. Look at those arms! Hello Michelin Man. Rachel: Oh, Phoebe! Come on! You know what, it's already three o'clock and they haven't even gotten to Emma's group yet. We gotta go, we got dinner! Phoebe: (panicking) But Emma's got what it takes, she could go all the way! Rachel: Phoebe, you have to calm down. Phoebe: Okay. Rachel, the hottest babies in the Tri-State Area are in this room right now! I overheard one of the judges say that not one of them holds a candle to Emma! Rachel: Really? Phoebe: Yeah! Rachel: You heard them say that? Phoebe: Yeah! Rachel: All right, okay. Alright, let's give to these babies something to cry about! Phoebe: Good! Oh yay! Let's get down to business! Emma needs some makeup! Rachel: No, what? Phoebe: Well, she's gonna look all washed out next to the other contestants! Rachel: No Phoebe, I am not letting you put makeup on my baby! Phoebe: Why not! Rachel: Because I already did! [Scene: Madison Square Garden] (there's a lot of shouting and yelling) Joey: Oh, Bob, get off the guy! Ross: Oh! What a game, huh? Joey: I know, yeah. Ross: I can't believe Chandler is missing this! Joey: Yeah. I am sorry he's not here too, but I got to say, (takes some nachos from a plate on the seat where Chandler should have been) I am really enjoying Nacho Chair. Ross: Yeah, I'd probably enjoy it more if you didn't keep batting my hand away. Joey: Ohhhh! These seats are great! Ross: I know, I know! When I was here for Holidays on Ice (Joey looks around worried hoping no one heard that) I was sitting so far away Michelle Kwan couldn't read my banner! Joey: (looks at the time) Wow, hey, we'd better get going. If we don't leave right now, we'll be late for dinner. Ross: Oh, but it's a kind game! So we're a little late, you know, the girls will be there, let's stay just for one more goal. Joey: I don't know... Ross: One more fight! Joey: Okay. Ross: Okay. [Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment.] Monica: Where is everybody? They're forty-five minutes late! Chandler: I can't believe they are not here! I slave and I slave for what? They've ruined cranberry day! [Scene: The corridor. Ross and Joey have just arrived.] Joey: How late are we? Ross: Forty-five minutes. Joey: Wow (He opens his apartment door and throws their stuff in.) Ross: (handing him his coat) Here! Joey: Okay. Rachel and Phoebe are already there, okay? So they probably started without us. We could just slip in and no-one needs to know where we were! (he raises his hands and on his right one there's a Rangers foam finger) Ross: You may want to lose the foam finger! Joey: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You just want to put it on your hand! (Rachel, Phoebe and Emma arrive) Ross: Hey! Phoebe: Oh! Joey: You are not at Thanksgiving? Rachel: No... Phoebe: No, we're late! Rachel: What are you doing here! Ross: We're late too! (Rachel screams) Joey: We figured we could be late because you guys were gonna be on time (he points the foam finger at the girls) Phoebe: Don't point that thing at me, Tribbiani! Ross: So, nobody's here? Monica's gonna kill us! Joey: Yeah, where were you! Ross: Yeah, yeah, what's with the trophy! Phoebe: Uh, we were at the Spelling Bee! Rachel: And I won! Ross: You won an adult Thanksgiving day spelling bee. Rachel: Yes! (spells it) Y-E-S. Yes! Ross: Let me see this... (he takes the trophy from Rachel's hands) Grand Supreme Little Darling, New York Division. Rachel: Yeah. That's me! Ross: You entered Emma into a Beauty Pageant? Phoebe: And it looks like she put makeup on her! Joey: Wait a second, wait a second, where have I seen that cowgirl outfit before... Ross: I can't believe this, she's our daughter! That you would treat her like some kind of showdog is inexcusable! Rachel: She won a thousand dollars! Ross: So this is an annual thing? Joey: (realizing) Oh! That's Alicia Mae Emory's outfit! Phoebe: You guys, there are people in there who are not getting any happier! Ross: Yeah. What are we gonna do? Rachel: Well, I don't know, you guys figure it out, I got to put Emma down for a nap. Joey: All right. Hey Rach, while you're in there, throw something on Alicia Mae. Phoebe: Alright, what are we gonna say? Ross: Ooh, we'll say that we were mugged! You can't get mad at someone who's been mugged! Phoebe: Oh, good, that's good, but you don't look like you were mugged! Joey: No. Here (he tears off the pocket from Ross' shirt, and tears off everything below that as well.) Ross: (to Joey) HEY! [Scene: Monica's apartment.] Monica: Do you hear something? (Chandlers stands up and goes to the door to look out from the peephole) Chandler: (peeping) They're out there! Monica: Ohhh! Let me see! Oh God, I can't believe this! They're an hour late and they're just staying out there, talking! Chandler: (peeping) Everything is so distorted! Looks like Joey has a giant hand! Which says "Rangers" on it. They went to the game! Monica: (gasps) Oooh! They are in for a world of pain! Chandler: (looking through the peephole again) Ross' shirt is torn. Monica: Oh! They're late and they're sloppy! [Cut to the hall] ……